


Darling, Oh

by boorishbint



Category: Moominvalley (Cartoon 2019), Mumintroll | Moomins Series - Tove Jansson
Genre: Day At The Beach, First Kiss, Kissing, Light Angst, M/M, Pre- Moominvalley in November, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-08-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:54:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,892
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25736110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boorishbint/pseuds/boorishbint
Summary: Want me,Snufkin thinks with an ache as he purses his lips proper. He pulls back to press close again, trying to tempt. He ever so loves to tempt and Moomintroll is so easy to charm. Snufkin wants to be wanted. He’s been spoiled all these years for it.*/Snufkin and Moomin have a day at the beach.
Relationships: Mumintrollet | Moomintroll/Snusmumriken | Snufkin
Comments: 32
Kudos: 164





	Darling, Oh

_For the stranger's land may be bright and fair,_   
_And rich in all treasures golden._   
_You'll pine, I know, for the long, long ago,_   
_And the love that is never olden._

**A Stór Mo Chroi**

*/

It’s too cold for swimming. The wind is very bitter, insistently tugging along Snufkin’s loose ends. He’s due to unravel, should he leave it much longer.

They’re in a cove, North of the jetty. They can only be here when the tide is out, the gap in the coast jagged like the edge of bread where it’s been torn. Moomintroll is swimming, out against the waves where they rise. They’re taller here, too tall for Snufkin to try and topple about with even on a warm day.

So he’d waded a while, smock and hat in a heap by his boots and Snufkin sits on the beach now, giving them a glance. Just to be sure nothing has wandered off with the strong wind. Satisfied, he pushes his wet toes into the stiff sand and watches the cracks where it bunches between.

Then the wind pours off the cliffs behind him and meets the spray, and Snufkin feels very cold indeed.

‘Hey, you.’

The way Moomintroll says _you_ sounds so like Snufkin’s name, like it couldn’t possibly be anyone else. Snufkin looks up to see him, seawater dripping right off the end of his snout.

‘Hello, yourself.’

Moomintroll shakes his head and Snufkin tuts in protest, hand up to catch most of what skitters off him. The water is very cold and in just his muslin, Snufkin shivers when it hits him. When he pouts, for he must when soaked as such, Moomintroll at least has the grace to look a touch embarrassed.

‘Sorry,’ he says and Snufkin huffs, mostly to be contrary and Moomintroll sits down next to him. ‘Aw, Snuf! Don’t be like that.’

Snufkin keeps his chin up and makes a big show of flicking the water from his hand. He manages it for about a moment longer before the smile starts, caught in his cheek like a hook. He stares at the sea, in the hope Moomintroll might not notice how little trouble he’s in. When Moomintroll scoots closer, however, Snufkin thinks he may know all the same.

‘It’s far too cold for swimming,’ Snufkin says for It warrants saying. It’s Autumn, almost towards the middle of it when the ground gets quite hard indeed. Out in the water, the waves rush against the crooked, black stones of the shore.

‘Too cold for you maybe. I’ve got my pelt.’

‘You’ve got a cold, that’s what you’ve got,’ Snufkin says, a shade prim he knows but he also knows he’s right. Moomintroll thinks himself far more impervious than he really is; Snufkin knows all the parts of him that shiver though.

‘Ye of little faith,’ Moomintroll replies moodily, much the same way he does to Little My and Snufkin feels that smile twitching again. ‘I’ll have some coffee when I get back. How’s that?’

‘And who will brew you this coffee?’ Snufkin teases, leaning over a touch. He can smell the saltwater on Moomintroll’s fur and it fills him up like a bottle. ‘Not expecting any of mine, I hope. I’ll need a full tin before I go.’

‘Give over.’ Moomintroll pushes at Snufkin’s arm, paw so wet Snufkin can feel it on his skin. The damp lingers, even after Moomintroll is gone. Snufkin finds himself very conscious of it, so he looks to the sea.

There’s dark out on the horizon. Thick, grey clouds like smoke and the ocean curls closer, cold as the Winter looming. Snufkin stares at the foam and thinks ahead; he’ll have to leave soon, to get ahead of the snow.  
  
‘What do you think is at the bottom?’  
  
Snufkin realises with some bashfulness then that Moomintroll has been speaking to him.  
  
‘Of what?’  
  
‘Your old boots,’ Moomintroll replies shaking his ears. Water hits Snufkin’s cheek like a raindrop. ‘The ocean, silly.’  
  
Snufkin rolls over, to brush his shoulder against Moomintroll’s. He’s not so wet as to soak through Snufkin’s muslin, but enough so that it sticks. It pulls, the strands of Moomintroll’s fur straight between like bridges before letting go.  
  
‘We know what’s at the bottom,’ Snufkin says, thinking of it now. He leans back on his hands, curling his toes up so they stick out from between the sand. ‘Saw as much when the comet boiledit away, didn’t we?’  
  
‘But that was different!’ Moomintroll says and his tails flops between them. Snufkin looks at the frayed end of it; water drips off the fur that sticks up. ‘Nothing was living in it then. They’d all swam away.’  
  
Moomintroll leans forward, one knee folding up. He’s staring out at the waves where they foam, pulling the edges of the coast like someone might pull on a coat. His ears are almost even, but the one on Snufkin’s side is tilted towards him. Snufkin looks at it, feeling that dandelion spread of affection in the back of his throat.

Snufkin does love him so terribly much.  
  
‘I mean, what’d you reckon is down there now?’ Moomintroll says and he sounds quite thoughtful. Perhaps thinking of Moominpapa’s books, and the funny pictures within. Snufkin doesn’t care much for books nor their pictures- he’d rather see as much himself, if it were willing to let him look, that is.  
  
‘What do you think is down there?’  
  
‘Lots of things!’ Moomintroll says and he starts listing, one paw counting out the fingers of the other. ‘Mermaids, and monsters! Perhaps even shipwrecks!’  
  
‘Hmm. Perhaps.’  
  
‘And treasure in the shipwrecks. Those monsters must be guarding something, eh?’  
  
‘That does all sound rather grand,’ Snufkin says and Moomintroll’s ears droop and he looks to Snufkin then, eyes narrowed.  
  
‘You’re mocking me.’  
  
‘I would never.’  
  
‘Liar,’ Moomintroll replies, but he’s smiling now. Snufkin doesn’t have to see his mouth to know that. It’s all in the way Moomintroll’s eyes crease at their corners, like the tucking of curtains. ‘What I do to get stuck with a friend as cruel as you?’  
  
‘Ticked off a mermaid, I’d think,’ Snufkin says and they both laugh then. Snufkin ever so likes the way Moomintroll laughs. He’s so large and round a creature that it bellows, deep and steady. Snufkin looks at the ocean. ‘I’ve never given it much thought.’  
  
‘What? The ocean?’  
  
‘What’s at the bottom of it.’  
  
‘Why not?’ Moomintroll asks and Snufkin shrugs. ‘You like the ocean.’  
  
‘Very much, but that doesn’t mean I must know everything about it,’ Snufkin replies, the water the dull grey colour of his harmonica. ‘I like it more than enough with just the parts it shows me.’  
  
Moomintroll doesn’t say anything to that at first. Truly, he’s quiet so long that Snufkin debates lying back entirely and perhaps even dozing, but then Moomintroll says; ‘Can you really love it so much without knowing? What if there’s something unpleasant at the bottom?’  
  
‘Why should that make me love it any less?’  
  
‘If it’s cruel to you, I think you wouldn’t have to.’  
  
‘It has never been cruel to me,’ Snufkin says and he looks to Moomintroll again, curious. ‘You ought not to fret so much over my heart, Moomintroll. I’m not about to let it break against the gulf.’  
  
‘I’d rather it didn’t break at all, if it can be helped,’ Moomintroll says, turning to meet Snufkin’s eye. Snufkin aches, at once. He tends to, these days.  
  
‘I can help my own heart,’ Snufkin says, for it is mostly true. Mostly.

‘I think I’d worry about it, myself,’ Moomintroll says and Snufkin spreads his fingers, just to feel the sand move beneath them and think of something other than the shape of Moomintroll’s face.

‘My heart? Or yours?’

‘Little space between the two.’

Snufkin suspects that to be quite true but it feels a bit like looking at the sun on too bright a day, so he holds his thought on that back. Some things are too much to say aloud, Snufkin feels.

‘I worry about the bottom, I guess,’ Moomintroll continues. ‘Of the ocean, but other things, too. The things I don’t know about.’

Snufkin hums. ‘You don’t worry about the things you know already?’

‘I worry about you.’

That shuts Snufkin up. He closes his mouth, unsure and Moomintroll scratches the back of his neck. He always does that, when nervous. Snufkin is feeling rather nervous himself, though he oughtn’t. It’s nothing he doesn’t know, nothing Moomintroll hasn’t said before.

‘I bet you’ve crossed the ocean hundreds of times,’ Moomintroll says with a sigh. Almost like a disappointment. ‘I think about it. You on a little boat. Or sometimes a big ship, hiding in the barrels. I think about what would happen if there was a storm. Or a great wave. If you’d be lost.’

It’s the crush of at least three waves before Snufkin thinks of something to say.

‘If that were to happen, at least you’d know what was at the bottom of the ocean,’ Snufkin offers, trying to be funny but he knows at once from the slump of Moomintroll’s shoulders that he hasn’t managed it.

‘I’d come get you,’ Moomintroll says, with such strength that Snufkin believes him at once. Truly, Snufkin would believe anything if Moomintroll were the one to say it. ‘If you sank to the bottom of the ocean.’

‘You could never hold your breath that long.’

Moomintroll puffs his chest. ‘I would, if it meant getting to you.’

‘But what if I was happy there?’ Snufkin asks, mostly joking but he’s beginning to think there’s more to this conversation now. Like the water, there’s a current he can’t quite see. ‘Sitting at the bottom of the ocean.’

‘Could you be?’ Moomintroll blinks, eyes so very blue. ‘Happy, sitting down in one place?’

Snufkin’s chest narrows. Makes the air thin, despite how it blows around them so insistent.

‘Oh, Moomintroll,’ Snufkin says, with a fondness that breaks every time he holds it. Snufkin reaches out, but stops himself. His hand hovers; an incomplete question. ‘You shouldn’t worry so much. I’m not going to sink.’  
  
Moomintroll says nothing to that but he watches Snufkin, eyes moving about his face and Snufkin ducks his chin with force of habit. But without his hat, there’s not much hiding to be done and he settles with going back to watch the waves. Often as he does it, Moomintroll watching him so closely still has Snufkin itch.  
  
‘May I kiss you?’  
  
Snufkin’s stomach drops and he whips around, quite stunned.   
  
‘What?’  
  
Moomintroll waves a paw, turns his snout away.‘May I- no. No, forget I said anything!’  
  
Snufkin reaches out and grabs his arm.  
  
Moomintroll pulls, almost like he might go entirely, but he stops at the last moment. He keeps his snout down, eyes away.   
  
‘Snufkin.’  
  
‘Don’t,’ Snufkin asks, gently and he looks at his fingers. They’re covered in sand, and Moomintroll’s arm now, too. ‘Please don’t go.’  
  
‘Let me go,’ Moomintroll says, high-pitched but he doesn’t move. ‘I need to go drown myself.’  
  
Snufkin frowns. ‘Now, now. I won’t have that.’  
  
‘You don’t get a say.’  
  
‘I suppose I’d better answer the other question first,’ Snufkin says, dropping to a whisper for he.’s suddenly quite nervous. ‘Before I give a second opinion.’  
  
‘Oh, bugger. Don’t do that either,’ Moomintroll says and he pinches between his eyes with a paw. ‘I already know the answer, cheers.’  
  
‘Do you?’ Snufkin asks, as he doubts that very much but this time Moomintroll really does roll out of his grip.

The sand from his fingers stays behind. Snufkin worries Moomintroll will get up, but he doesn’t. He doesn’t say much either, which Snufkin dislikes also.

‘If you’re so clever as all that, why bother asking me at all?’ Snufkin says, firmer as he feels a sting awfully like _rejection_ and he can’t bear it without a word.  
  
‘Ugh, please,’ Moomintroll says, dropping his snout against his folded knee with his eyes screwed shut. ‘Please just forget it.’

Snufkin feels he should. It would be the wisest thing to do, after all. That’s not what he and Moomintroll do, have done nor indeed has it ever been anything Snufkin considered themselves all too capable of. Not that Snufkin hasn’t... well, there is certainly no harm in a thought. Every once in a while. Especially one that shouldn’t be had.

But Snufkin has never been very good at shoulds or shouldn’ts.

‘You don’t have to be embarrassed,’ Snufkin says gently, but this only serves to make Moomintroll even more so it seems. He drops his snout into his paws, as if the little things have any hope of hiding such.  
  
‘Easy for you to say.’  
  
‘I suppose it would be, when flattered,’ Snufkin replies honestly and Moomintroll glances up at him, clearly surprised. Snufkin has to touch him, and so does.  
  
‘You’re… flattered?’  
  
‘Why wouldn’t I be?’ Snufkin says, quieter and the hand on Moomintroll’s shoulder dips. He presses through Moomintroll’s fur; the physicality of his fingers, plunged between the strands feels how Snufkin imagines a button undone might feel. ‘Any creature would be.’  
  
‘You’re the only one who matters,’ Moomintroll says, breathless and he lets his snout go, arms down so Snufkin’s hand can travel further. Moomintroll always lets him go further.  
  
Moomintroll's paws drop to the sand, seemingly anchoring himself as Snufkin spreads his hand like ink, little words written where it slides across Moomintroll’s chest. Snufkin has never been one for an anchor.  
  
‘It’s been so very long since I’ve seen a part of you I didn’t already know,’ Snufkin continues and they’re close, so close Snufkin wonders how he must look. If the thin fuzz at the sides of his cheeks blurs like clay, red and patchy, the way Moomintroll’s pale lashes turn ashen.  
  
Moomintroll’s eyes rise, quick and in one blink. The dark colour in their centre reminds Snufkin of something warm, something that sticks to the bottom of the pot. His hand pushes against Moomintroll once more, slides down to his sternum so Snufkin’s narrow, little thumb just brushes the edge of Moomintroll’s heartbeat. Snufkin knows the way so well.  
  
Moomintroll blinks again and he breathes, air in the same time the waves rush out before them and Snufkin’s stomach turns like an ankle, the heavy weight as familiar as it is suddenly sensual.  
  
‘I’ll be very gentle with it,’ Snufkin whispers, leaning closer and he can feel Moomintroll’s heat against his nose. ‘If you let me.’  
  
Snufkin wants Moomintroll to let him desperately. He holds his plead for it, sticks his tongue to the back of his teeth and waits. It must be dangerous, and perhaps sad, too, to want anything like this. Snufkin wonders how people survive falling in love at all; he’s been suffering long, himself.  
  
Moomintroll doesn’t say anything, but he moves. Both paws come to Snufkin’s waist, then his stomach. Right below his ribs and pushes; just a suggestion but Snufkin follows it. His body sinks against the sand, onto his back and he thinks he can feel the rush of water through each gentle shift of it. Snufkin feels like something spilling himself.  
  
‘I’ll be gentle with you, too,’ Moomintroll manages to say at long last, creeping over where Snufkin lays himself down.  
  
‘I hope so,’ Snufkin replies, one hand pushing the fur of Moomintroll’s arm the wrong way. Snufkin wants him to be gentle. ‘I can be very fragile, you know.’  
  
‘I do.’  
  
‘In certain places, that is.’  
  
Snufkin pulls him by the arms, but Moomintroll hesitates, hovers half-up and half-down and Snufkin wonders, worries, what stalls him. Snufkin wants him so badly and is afraid he may not get the chance.  
  
‘I won’t be able to see you,’ Moomintroll says, like he read the nervous flittering behind Snufkin’s eyes. Perhaps he can and Snufkin closes them, overwhelmed by the thought. That breath he’s holding sneaks out between his teeth like a gate blown open.  
  
Snufkin pulls his hand downwards, righting Moomintroll’s fur and concentrates on that. The plush, fine sensation of it beneath his fingertips. Snufkin likes to touch it and likes how Moomintroll will have him lie where he can’t be seen. To be trusted as such is a heady thing and Snufkin’s stomach knocks in the middle like a bean when he thinks about it.  
  
‘You know me just fine,’ Snufkin says, quiet and reasonable. He tilts his head, the hollow of his throat dipping like a cup as he does. Then Moomintroll puts a paw there, fingers right into the curve and Snufkin’s breath stops. ‘You don’t need to see.’  
  
‘But I’d like to,’ Moomintroll says and Snufkin swallows, feels Moomintroll’s fingers sink against his skin. It’d tickle, if Moomintroll weren’t pressing as firm as he is. Snufkin can feel every part of his throat work under that weight.  
  
‘Look at me after,’ Snufkin suggests, more breathless than intended and blind still. He’s almost worried if he speaks too loud, Moomintroll will move and Snufkin would hate for him to move. Snufkin likes him here; close. ‘Just- just-‘

Snufkin wants to Moomintroll to ask for a kiss again, just so he can say _yes_. Just so he doesn’t have to ask himself. Snufkin could never ask Moomintroll for a thing.  
  
 _Ask me,_ he thinks desperately as Moomintroll’s fingers trace the roundness of his Adam’s apple. _Ask me, ask me, ask me.  
  
_ Moomintroll doesn’t ask, but he lowers himself down, against Snufkin like a beam. His other paw goes to the sand by Snufkin’s waist, holding him up and Snufkin has half a mind to knock it out from under him. Just to see what will happen.  
  
Snufkin ought to be cold- it’s Autumn, at the sea. But he’s warm like this, hot even. He’s a pot with the lid off and he struggles to think of what he wants to say. He opens his eyes at last, looks down his nose for his chin is tilted back in the silent invitation for Moomintroll to touch him more.  
  
‘Moomintroll,’ is all he can manage though. Some years, it truly is just that altogether. Moomintroll, as usual, seems to understand.  
  
Moomintroll’s paw drops, tracing where the bone of Snufkin’s clavicle curves at the base of his throat, and finally sinks closer. Moomintroll is a heavy, unusual weight where he is and Snufkin’s knees open. He’s never let another creature between his legs before, but Moomintroll slides between as familiar as anything.

They’ve never done this, and Snufkin feels spread so thin he wonders if Moomintroll can look right through him. His hands creep up again, Moomintroll’s fur between and leaving sand after. They stop at Moomintroll’s shoulders and Moomintroll’s fingers stop at where Snufkin’s muslin starts to part.  
  
‘Can I ask you again?’ Moomintroll says and Snufkin’s throat works around the relief that stings in it. He nods. ‘May I kiss you?’  
  
‘Please.’  
  
When Moomintroll leans down, Snufkin can just see his eyes close before his snout blooms too big. Snufkin mirrors him, lets his body sink into the soft, cold sand as Moomintroll comes down. His chest rises and Moomintroll’s paw moves, just an inch. His fingers slip beneath Snufkin’s muslin and it’s the most intimate feeling in the world.  
  
A Moomin kiss is so sweet a thing, Snufkin thinks as Moomintroll presses them nose to nose. Moomintroll’s being so much bigger, the kiss feels just so itself as Snufkin’s face floods under the hot breath of it. There’s fur to his nose, his cheeks and his lips open as he sucks in one, uncertain breath.  
  
Snufkin wonders if Moomintroll has ever kissed anyone before. Then hopes, selfishly, that he hasn’t.  
  
Moomintroll shifts. His belly is so round and it rolls along Snufkin’s abdomen, moves his clothes around and Snufkin flushes instantly. It’s all… oh, it’s outrageous! To lie here like this, where anyone might see and to give over so easy but Snufkin can’t seem to help it. For Moomintroll, he can’t seem to help much.  
  
The kiss moves, along the line of Snufkin’s nose and to his cheek proper. Moomintroll breathes deep there and the fuzz that grows by Snufkin’s ear moves. Snufkin wonders what Moomintroll can smell there; Moomintroll can always smell so much more than Snufkin can. He presses closer, squishing Snufkin’s cheek and Snufkin has wanted so much, for so long, that the longing betrays him. He arches his back and pushes for more.  
  
Moomintroll makes a small noise, surprised it seems but Snufkin is too bold now to be embarrassed. He takes a hand away just to put it against the long stretch of Moomintroll’s snout. He travels out, feels where the pelt moves on such sensitive skin. Snufkin can’t remember the lasttime he got to touch him like this.  
  
‘I want to kiss you,’ Snufkin says, opening his eyes to see the tops of Moomintroll’s ears. Moomintroll goes to pull away, but Snufkin holds him steady by the face. ‘Will you let me?’  
  
‘Ah- yes,’ Moomintroll replies, uncertain. Then again, surer: ‘Yes.’  
  
Snufkin doesn’t wait for him to change his mind again. Nor indeed to change his own. It’s scary! Goodness, it’s dreadfully so and Snufkin wonders if any of the suffering will ease once this is done. Snufkin has wanted to do this for long and it’s purpled deep inside as bruise somewhere very tender.  
  
It takes some coaxing, for Moomintroll to lift his snout the way Snufkin likes. He seems uneasy about it, perhaps nervous of truly losing sight of Snufkin altogether but Snufkin urges with a soft press of his nose. He doesn’t understand how to kiss like that, and it feels less true than what Moomintroll did but Snufkin tries to explain the same way he was asked.  
  
When Snufkin slides down, they press together and Snufkin has to pause, has to catch his breath for he doesn’t think he’s ever been so close to someone. Not like this, with his knees spread and his mouth open.  
  
 _No,_ he thinks and almost smiles. He’s giddy. _Certainly not like this.  
_  
When Snufkin first tries, he misses. Not entirely, as he touches the edge of Moomintroll’s mouth which snaps shut at once as though frightened. Snufkin doesn’t pull away, he simply moves along until their lips come together. His heart is beating very fast and the hand on Moomintroll’s arm pinches, he knows it.  
  
 _Want me,_ Snufkin thinks with an ache as he purses his lips proper. He pulls back to press close again, trying to tempt. He ever so loves to tempt and Moomintroll is so easy to charm. Snufkin wants to be wanted. He’s been spoiled all these years for it.  
  
The paw on Snufkin’s chest pushes and Snufkin freezes, wondering if he should stop but it’s not a scold. Moomintroll tilts his wrist and his fingers splay, truly beneath the linen now and the tips graze Snufkin’s armpit. Snufkin gasps, lips parted again. He’s had them open so often it’s a wonder Moomintroll hasn’t fallen to him sooner.  
  
Moomintroll pushes back then, catches Snufkin’s teeth on his top lip from the shuffle and he makes a noise of his own. It’s a corkscrew turn in Snufkin’s gut, to feel Moomintroll’s lips move against his own, coiled very tightly in something dense. Snufkin wants to be closer and is unsure how to be. His skin is suddenly itching and he digs his nails into Moomintroll’s arm, in the hopes he’ll say something again.  
  
Snufkin just wants to taste it, whatever Moomintroll might say. Once he has, he’ll remember it always and it will be like carrying this kiss in his pocket. Snufkin would carry it to the bottom of the ocean.  
  
Snufkin kisses him again, lips half-open and he hums. It’s unbidden, and lewd. Oh, terribly so but then the paw in the sand moves and Snufkin’s waist is snatched. Moomintroll pins him now, presses downso heavy and Snufkin couldn’t stop the noise he makes, even if he’d tried. It’s pried out of him like a clamshell as he sinks into the earth.  
  
 _This is obscene,_ Snufkin thinks and loves it all the more.  
  
The sensation of Moomintroll’s mouth- open, but not quite, unsteady- against his has Snufkin blushing. He hasn’t kissed another creature in years. So very long and not half as pleasant. Snufkin tilts his head more, arches his back so Moomintroll’s paw might fit better where his waist tapers.  
  
When Moomintroll kisses back, it’s like he’s trying to say something. Perhaps he thinks that’s how it works. Either way, his lips are moving and Snufkin could sing. It feels so good and his hands move, both of them up as far as they can to hold Moomintroll’s face proper and bring him closer.  
  
Moomintroll is clutching Snufkin’s waist so tight, and he’s dreadfully heavy with not holding himself up but Snufkin doesn’t care. It’s good, perfect were Snufkin to believe in such things. But when Snufkin moves his tongue, just to brush against Moomintroll’s large, flat teeth, the paw on his chest moves to the centre and this time when it pushes, Snufkin knows it means stop.  
  
They pull away, Snufkin’s head flopping back to the sand and they’re both breathing quite hard. Their chests are meeting, the breaths are so deep. Moomintroll leans back, out of Snufkin’s grip and onto his knees some. Snufkin goes hot at once; he’s dreamed of Moomintroll looking at him like that.  
  
‘Wow,’ Moomintroll says and he sounds like he means it. Snufkin huffs a laugh and his teeth catch on his bottom lip. When Moomintroll’s eyes flick to it, Snufkin’s stomach swoops like a fall.  
  
‘Too much?’  
  
Moomintroll shakes his head. ‘No, no- just… Wow, really. Do you really kiss like that all the time?’  
  
‘Definitely not all the time.’  
  
‘Okay. Good,’ Moomintroll says and he leans down to kiss Snufkin himself, nose soft and warm to Snufkin’s again. ‘Won’t to lie to you, not keen on the idea of you kissing anyone else.’  
  
‘Then I won’t,’ Snufkin replies and he surprises himself; he means that. Moomintroll kisses him again and it squishes his nose.  
  
‘Will you kiss me again?’  
  
Snufkin nods, noses bumping and he slips his hands back to Moomintroll’s face. Moomintroll moves much faster now, more confident it seems. Snufkin’s finds his lips easy this time and Moomintroll meets him eagerly. His paw moves up, along Snufkin’s throat and to his jaw. He cradles Snufkin’s head and Snufkin has never felt more desired in his life.  
  
It’s dizzying. Drunken, almost, to get what one wants.  
  
‘I think about you all the time,’ Moomintroll says, lips moving against his and Snufkin hums gently. ‘All the time.’

Snufkin pulls away some, tongue to the back of his front teeth. ‘I know. Sometimes it’s like I can hear you.’

‘But you’ll leave anyway, won’t you?’  
  
Their kiss breaks. Snufkin wishes they weren’t so close at once, goes cold like the wind has snuck between them and he wants to see what Moomintroll looks like. The paw on his face comes down a bit, Moomintroll’s pinky at his neck.  
  
Moomintroll moves his snout, his lips sliding up from Snufkin’s mouth to his cheek.

‘I wish you wouldn’t,’ Moomintroll says and the words move on Snufkin’s skin. ‘I know you will. I know. But I wish you wouldn’t.’

Snufkin blinks and his eyes sting. He hasn’t cried in a while, but his eyes water so quick now it’s like it’s been only a hair’s width away.  
  
‘Wish something else.’

‘Nothing I want more than you,’ Moomintroll’s lips say and Snufkin turns, tries to bring them together once more. He wants to kiss, and be kissed.

‘You have that.’ Snufkin’s words aren’t steady. ‘Have had it for- oh. So terribly long.’

‘How long?’

‘Seasons. Years. It’s grown with me like bones.’  
  
Snufkin can’t think about anything but that love now. It twists inside like a knotty root, pulses warm and yearning where Moomintroll touches him. Oh, Snufkin wants him to touch him. He shifts, just to assure himself of Moomintroll’s weight.

‘I could be so good to you.’

Snufkin shakes his head, feels the sand break beneath his skull. ’You’re already good.’

‘I wish you’d let me.’

‘I’d let you do anything.’

‘You won’t let me keep you.’

‘You wouldn’t want to.’

‘Sometimes I think I do. But you’re right. I don’t. Then you wouldn’t be you.’  
  
Moomintroll kisses him again, true and proper like Snufkin likes. Their lips are uneven, hurried. Suddenly, it’s all very much more. Snufkin’s hands are tearing and Moomintroll’s chest is heaving. They’re moving together, Snufkin’s legs pinned to Moomintroll’s hips so he won’t move.  
  
‘Would that be so bad?’ Snufkin huffs through a kiss, feels Moomintroll’s tongue and whimpers. He reminds himself of a sodden, heavy cloth and he strains against where Moomintroll holds him down, twisting up like all the turns rung out. Snufkin doesn’t want to stop, can’t bear to and so won’t.

‘It wouldn’t be you.’

Snufkin understands that. Doesn’t stop him saying between breaths; ‘What terrible pressure. What if I want to be someone else?’

‘Do you?’

‘Sometimes,’ Snufkin confesses, strained. ‘If only to keep you a bit longer.’

Moomintroll stops what he’s doing. He pulls away and Snufkin’s skin chills at once from the absence. Moomintroll sits back a bit, dips his snout and meets Snufkin’s eye. Snufkin wants to look away, for he suddenly feels peeled open like bark splintered from the trunk. Kissing was better; he can’t be looked at when kissing.

Moomintroll touches his face, his paw cool and scratchy with sand against Snufkin’s jaw. ‘Snufkin...’

‘Moomintroll.’ Snufkin waits for the next part. The part where Moomintroll says that Snufkin already has him, that Snufkin can keep him as much as he likes. He waits but it doesn’t come. All Moomintroll does is hold his face.

Snufkin turns, slightly, so that Moomintroll may hold more of it. He does, spreading his thick fingers so they stretch up Snufkin’s cheek.

‘I wish you wouldn’t look at me like that,’ Snufkin says and his lips are nearly pressed to Moomintroll’s palm. One more kiss.

‘Tough luck. I love to look at you. Any and all ways I fancy, thanks very much.’

Snufkin purses his lips, turns to press his kiss completely. When he speaks, Moomintroll catches the words in the centre of his paw. ‘You should look closer to home.’

‘Home’s wherever I’m looking,’ Moomintroll replies and he leans down again, kissing his snout along the top of Snufkin’s head. How safe, Snufkin feels, underneath where Moomintroll cannot see him. ‘So like I said. Tough luck.’  
  
‘I won’t always be here to look at,’ Snufkin says to that. ‘What will that make you? Homeless?’  
  
‘Could be worse. You’re homeless and you seem to be doing just fine.’  
  
Snufkin doesn’t know what to do with the frightful, anxious feeling that swells inside like the tide. ‘Look up, Moomintroll.’  
  
Moomintroll does and Snufkin leans forward to kiss him again. They’re so awkward together, really, that he misses again, but he finds his way back to Moomintroll’s lips. He’d wondered if it would feel different, to kiss rather than be kissed but it doesn’t. It’s just as exciting, makes Snufkin’s hands twitch the same way and his heart pulls, all out of shape.  
  
It’s such a long, and lovely, moment. Snufkin’s lips feel like a nettle sting, are wet with the movement of someone else and he’s churning the sand beneath his body with every twist of their game. Moomintroll’s paw on his waist corkscrews in the muslin, rides it up out of Snufkin’s trousers. There’s sand on his back.  
  
‘Have you-?’  
  
Moomintroll doesn’t finish his question, for Snufkin swallows the tail of it in another kiss. Snufkin isn’t sure how to stop himself. A bairn with his hand in the sweet-jar, it seems and his own hands, real and proper, fist in Moomintroll’s fur.  
  
‘Snufkin.’ Snufkin puts his teeth to Moomintroll’s bottom lip on the _kin,_ lets it go one heartbeat later. Moomintroll’s thumb punctures his waist like a needle. ‘Snufkin.’  
  
Snufkin hovers, mouth open. Breathes, listens. The ocean is roaring in his ears.  
  
‘Have you ever been in love?’  
  
‘You mean before you?’  
  
Moomintroll kisses him then; sudden, fervent and Snufkin sucks in his surprise. He kisses Snufkin clumsy, gets his teeth where they aren’t supposed to be but he’s firm on Snufkin’s chest, and round between his legs and Snufkin’s chest is the hot swell of glass just blown.  
  
He may break, but Snufkin thinks it would be a splendid break.  
  
‘I’ll miss you, when you’re gone,’ Moomintroll says, barely pulling away. Their lips come together on every word. ‘Awfully much.’  
  
‘Don’t miss me yet. Still here.’  
  
‘I love it when you are.’  
  
‘I know.’  
  
‘And I-‘  
  
‘I know that, too,’ Snufkin says and he must kiss Moomintroll then, for to not do so would allow him to finish that terrible sentence. Better not to hear it, for deniability’s sake.  
  
 _But oh, I could do with at least this,_ Snufkin thinks as he lies there and lets Moomintroll have him. Snufkin so rarely allows himself to be had, any which way and there is something vibrant and buzzing inside of him, like the new and brilliant lights of the train stations far away.  
  
‘Do you?’ Moomintroll asks him, when Snufkin lets him go for a moment. ‘Do you truly?'  
  
‘I…’ Snufkin stops, just to think. ‘Yes. I rather do, it seems.’  
  
How scary that had seemed, before today.  
  
‘Well, good,’ Moomintroll replies and he’s smiling, though Snufkin cannot see lying back like so. He knows it all the same, for he always does. ‘I’d like you to know. Before you go.’  
  
‘Is that why you wanted to kiss me?’  
  
‘No. Well. Maybe,’ Moomintroll says and Snufkin laughs, licks the back of his teeth as he does and Moomintroll’s snout moves across the top of his head. ‘If I’m to be honest, I think the wanting to kiss you came first.’  
  
‘My, my, how scandalous,’ Snufkin teases, pushing his own nose into the side of Moomin’s cheek where he can reach. ‘You’ll make a dishonest creature of me, it seems.’  
  
‘Do you fancy being honest?’  
  
‘I’m always honest.’ This time Moomintroll laughs, quite disbelieving and Snufkin keeps smiling. ‘Or at least, I am from a certain point of view.’  
  
‘What a Snufkin thing to say.’  
  
‘What else should it be? A Snufkin, I am.’  
  
‘Indeed, you are,’ Moomintroll says to that and his paw slips down Snufkin’s waist, loses its way through the muslin and ends up on the skin of Snufkin’s side. They both freeze, caught by the surprise of being closer when it had felt they couldn’t possibly be.  
  
Snufkin stares up at the clouds above over Moomintroll’s shoulder, foamy like the sea where it crashes and darker with the threat of Autumn rain so far off. It’s so very cold on this beach.  
  
‘You ought to have loved better,’ Snufkin says, watching as the clouds push together and swirl, milk white where the sun burns behind them.  
  
‘Have I loved poorly?’  
  
Snufkin flinches from the thought. ‘You’ve loved foolishly.’  
  
Moomintroll rubs his thumb on Snufkin’s skin and it makes Snufkin hold his breath in, curling his gut with the hold of it. Moomintroll pulls away proper, so he can right his snout some way to meet Snufkin’s eye.  
  
‘I don’t think I’ve loved foolishly.’  
  
‘Would anyone who’s loved foolishly think so?’  
  
‘Does that mean you’ve loved wisely?’  
  
Snufkin blinks, thrown by that. It had never seemed like a question of wisdom, one way or another, when it came to this. Snufkin puts a hand to the end of Moomintroll’s snout, right on the end of his nose and between the thin slits of his nostrils. When Moomintroll breathes out, the fur there rises.  
  
‘I think I’ve loved carelessly,’ Snufkin answers honestly. ‘But luckily, too.’  
  
‘You think you’re lucky?’  
  
‘Very.’ Snufkin pets Moomintroll’s nose with one finger, rubbing the fur smooth. ‘Not everyone who falls in love has a promise that they will be treated gently.’  
  
‘I did promise that.’  
  
‘You did.’  
  
‘Because you’re fragile,’ Moomintroll continues and Snufkin bristles, though he ought not to be too offended. He’d said it first, and it is nonetheless true, where Moomintroll is concerned. ‘I forget, you know.’  
  
Moomintroll is looking at him so much. Snufkin could drown in a look like that.  
  
‘When are you leaving?’ Moomintroll asks him and Snufkin listens to the waves, counts one to four of them hitting the shore before he answers.  
  
‘Soon, I would think.’  
  
‘Will I see you again before you go?’  
  
‘Hard to say,’ Snufkin replies, for that much is true. Perhaps he leaves tonight, and Moomintroll will be asleep. Perhaps he’ll leave in a week, and Moomintroll will be simply busy. ‘These things are so uncertain, after all.’  
  
‘Only because you like them that way.’  
  
‘Not all of them,’ Snufkin says gently and Moomintroll’s expression shifts. Snufkin swallows around the lump that forms in his throat.  
  
Moomintroll releases his waist and Snufkin shivers at once, skin going warm to cool quick in the sea breeze. Moomintroll uses the paw to hold himself up more, so that his other rises and Snufkin lets his own arms fall back onto the sand, a hand at either side of his head.  
  
Moomintroll touches Snufkin’s mouth. Off-centre, dragging against his top lip and Snufkin blinks once, slow and aching for the way Moomintroll wants him so openly.  
  
‘What if you miss the excitement?’  
  
Snufkin purses his lips, kissing Moomintroll’s finger. ‘What excitement?’  
  
‘Papa is getting notions. I think Mama fears there’s another adventure on the horizon.’  
  
‘That does sound very exciting, indeed.’  
  
‘Easy for you to say, you won’t be dragged out somewhere in the back and beyonds just to head back the moment the air turns chilly,’ Moomintroll says and he’s laughing again. His paw moves, away from Snufkin’s face and Snufkin sits, wondering why he suddenly feels so cold.  
  
There’s a hollow blooming in Snufkin’s chest. Or perhaps caving in, a dark well of something that Snufkin thinks may be on the tails of something sinister.  
  
He tries to ignore it.  
  
‘Where will Moominpapa bring you?’  
  
‘Oh, who the bugger knows! Not far, knowing him. We’ll be back and all by tea-time,’ Moomintroll says and he rolls off Snufkin entirely. Snufkin shivers all over at once, caught quite suddenly by the wind. He’s about to get up, fetch his smock, when Moomin’s paw suddenly flops over his chest, holding him there.  
  
‘Oh,’ Snufkin says, looking down at it before turning to Moomintroll. Moomintroll looks nervous.  
  
‘Are you all right?’  
  
‘Are you?’  
  
‘Yes. And no. And you didn’t answer the question.’  
  
‘Yes,’ Snufkin repeats and Moomintroll frowns. ‘And no. I thought this would be harder.’  
  
‘What? Kissing?’  
  
‘Kissing you. Having you. It all seemed so much more complicated in my head.’  
  
‘No surprise there,’ Moomintroll replies and Snufkin pouts at once, nettled as that is a fair thing to say but it certainly doesn’t mean Moomintroll should say it. ‘Why would it be hard?’  
  
Snufkin shakes his head. It’s too difficult to explain.  
  
Moomintroll’s frown suddenly clears, as he seems to understand something then and Snufkin flushes, feeling caught though he’s not sure for what. Moomintroll presses his snout forwards, kissing Snufkin on his temple.  
  
‘You think you’re a fool’s errand, do you?’  
  
Snufkin winces. ‘Something like that.’  
  
‘Or a fool’s love.’ Moomintroll shuffles closer. ‘If that’s all it takes to be a fool, then colour me a jester.’  
  
‘You could choose different,’ Snufkin replies, desperate for he needs Moomintroll to understand. ‘I would not hold it against you. After all, I’ve loved on my own this long.’  
  
‘Don’t be alone,’ Moomintroll says to that, firm. ‘Love with me.’  
  
‘You make it sound so simple.’  
  
‘It doesn’t have to be hard, Snuf.’  
  
Snufkin wishes he believed that, but he’s wanted Moomintroll for so dreadfully long. And in all this time, has still not yet figured out how to keep him.  
  
‘Will you wait for me?’ Snufkin asks after a long while listening to the ocean. Moomintroll’s paw is drawing circles on his chest.  
  
‘Don’t I always?’  
  
‘No, not- I mean, will you wait for this?’  
  
Moomintroll stops his circles. He sits up, looking at Snufkin down his snout. Somewhere overhead, a seagull wails and Snufkin knows the storm is creeping closer. The world is tucking itself in before the rain comes.  
  
‘I’ve waited this long,’ Moomintroll finally says and he takes Snufkin’s hand. He raises it up, tilts the wrist and Snufkin lets him. He watches his hand vanish beneath Moomintroll’s snout, feels the way his heart skitters when he feels Moomintroll’s lips on the pulse of his wrist.  
  
Snufkin could weep. Moomintroll lets him go, sinks back into the sand and lies next to Snufkin proper. They both stare up at the clouds, Moomintroll’s paw so close to Snufkin’s hand that it’s a tease. Snufkin takes Moomintroll’s pinky finger between two of his own.  
  
‘Can I see you, before you go?’  
  
‘Perhaps. If there’s time.’  
  
Moomintroll doesn’t push for more than that. Snufkin presses his fingers over Moomintroll’s littlest one, and thinks about the rain. Soon, it’ll wash down upon them, like the tide on the shore.

**Author's Note:**

> This one’s a little sad, and a wee bit saucy. But I just wanted to write them kissing.


End file.
